Not Playing Fair
by Kala Dawson
Summary: Glorfindel checks up on Elrond to find that he is only a child! Oh, fun - he gets to thinking of what to do next when he's gone from his hold... damn kids! Nineth chapter - Elrond's already used to his body... and that might be a bad thing.
1. Morning Sunshine

Glorfindel padded softly down the massive halls, hands tucked into the opposing sleeves of his cream coloured robe. It was early morning, full of a fresh breath of crisp new air, the time of day the Elf enjoyed from time to time. Not very many were up and making their rounds yet, so he had time to be alone.   
  
Glancing at nearby tree, he smiled wanly. The leaves were falling one by one from their recent homes to coat the ground in a cool blanket of gold. Rivendell was always beautiful this time of the year. Then again, Glorfindel noted with a smirk, Rivendell is always beautiful, no matter what time of the year.  
  
Passing through a few corridors, the ancient Elf smiled to himself as he came near to his lord's bedchamber doors. Elrond would still be asleep for all Glorfindel knew, and it would be best not to disturb him. Tucking a few stray strands of hair behind his delicately pointed ear, he started to walk past the huge wooden doors when he heard something he least expected behind them. Giggling.   
  
Not just any sort of giggling. The kind of giggles a child would make when they thought they were pulling a wise one on the grown ups by staying up when they were supposed to be asleep. The sound a child would utter when playing on the bed. Blinking, Glorfindel halted his steps. It reminded him of the soft wind chimes he heard now and then around the House, and of a harp's musical notes being carried swiftly in the afternoon breeze to reach his ears. Out of a whim, the Elf reached for the doorknob and froze. Elrond would not be pleased if he intruded, but maybe he wouldn't mind if he said he wanted to make sure everything was okay. Biting his lower lip, Glorfindel pushed against the heavy door and slowly stepped in.  
  
Looking directly at a little lump under the soft satin bed sheets covering his lord's bed, the Elf cleared his throat loudly to announce his presence. The bundle shuddered, yelped, and scurried over to the other side before lying still. There was some random whispering and a small giggle, then nothing more. Glorfindel scanned the room for any other sign of life before cautiously padding over to the large bed. Taking a chunk of the material in his lean hand, he flipped the covers over to reveal what he least expected.  
  
There, curled into a semi-circle on the side of his lord's bed was a small Elven child, raven hair spilled across the mattress and pale form twisting to face Glorfindel's direction. Two hazel eyes blinked up at the older Elf before two hands came up to hide the face. Glorfindel was speechless. What was a small child like this doing in Lord Elrond's bed? The child resembled the Lord of Imladris himself, looking what Elrohir and Elladan were like when they were small. Puzzled, the ancient Elf sat down on the edge of the bed, extending an open hand to the child.  
  
The young Elf squirmed under the other's gaze, but sat up, a lock of hair curled around one finger hesitantly. He dropped his hands, allowing Glorfindel to see the circlet of silver around his neck and part of his shoulder, causing his eyes to bug out. That was the circlet Elrond wore around his head every day! Coughing unexpectedly, he startled the child, who whined and clutched the satin sheets in two small hands.   
  
"Come now, little one - I won't hurt you at all."  
  
The smaller Elf waited a few seconds before slowly crawling over to Glorfindel's lap, climbing on and immediately grabbing hold of the front of his robes, snuggling close. The elder patted the tyke's back comfortingly, staring down at the dark brown hair. A little dragonfly clip nestled in a cup of wild strands of hair caught his attention, his heart leaping in realization. "Elrond?!"  
  
"Elrond!" the younger Elf repeated musically, giggling and nuzzling Glorfindel's chest. Glorfindel sat numb.   
  
"This cannot be… How did… oh, goddess…"  
  
"Gl-or-y," Elrond chirped suddenly, in a happy tone. Finding the outer robe's opening, he snuggled into the new 'cave' he found and pulled the cloth over his body, curling against Glorfindel's form. "Glor-ry…"  
  
Glorfindel groaned softly, unbelieving. Lord Elrond was a *child*! Just a little Elf! Cupping Elrond's body in his arms, he stood and made his way towards the door. Elrond squeaked at the movement, scurrying around to grab a tight hold on Glorfindel's front, looking up at the distressed face. He murmured a few incoherent words before settling into the firm arms, watching everything with a wary eye.   
  
After a few strides, Glorfindel stopped. Where was he going to take him? Lady Arwen? No, she was visiting a few villages and wouldn't return for a few days. The twins… Elrohir, maybe? Elladan would not be pleased at this new discovery, and would likely be the last to announce this to. Elrohir was smart. He would know what to do. But wait… or should he ride to Lorien instead, and not speak a word of this to anyone? No, Elrond's children would be furious with him and be so worried of where their father disappeared to that he wouldn't ever be forgiven. He was at a loss of ideas.  
  
Elrond, noticing Glorfindel's state of deep thought, carefully slipped out of his grasp and down his robes to the floor, unnoticed by the older Elf. Looking back up to see if he was missed, he scratched his head briefly before taking off in a different direction, leaving the unsuspecting other behind. Turning a corner, he narrowly avoided getting stepped on by a passing maiden. Retreating back into the hallway, he waited until she was gone and he took off in the opposite way, carefully walking along the cold floor chilled by the morning air.   
  
Passing by several rooms, he poked his head into the spacious room where the baths were held, picking up a small vile of a pink liquid, then dashing off to continue his 'journey'. He stopped by the kitchen as well, being so small he was never even noticed. There weren't very many present, either - meaning two - so he was able to snag a full, ripe apple, a clean banana, and a slab of dark chocolate on his cruise through. Rounding the corner, Elrond looked up at a few male Elves walking past him, grinning. Scampering down the hall, he came to two large doors, and he stopped.  
  
Pushing with all his might, he managed to open one enough to fit through without dropping his stash in his arms. Sniffing, his eyes wandered around the room before settling on a form in the bed. Walking over he dumped the load on the sheets, climbing up from the sides. Crawling over to the sleeping figure, he sat right at the head, apple in hand. And he waited.  
  
Glorfindel, meanwhile, was in hysterics. He had *just* realized the little one was gone from his arms, the sneaky impertinence. He began his search not immediately, and within a few minutes of his quest, a familiar voice rang out through the halls.  
  
"FATHER!" 


	2. Naughty naughty!

Glorfindel skidded to a stop in the doorway of the younger twin's bed chambers, arms immediately flailing out to stop himself. Panting slightly, he glared from under his eyebrows at the younger Elf when he managed to catch his breath, looking around for the little bugger they were now burdened with. "Where is he?"  
  
Elrohir gazed wide-eyed at his tutor, then down at the child playing with a slowly melting slab of chocolate, getting his hands into a fine mess. Pointing at the intruder sitting merrily at his side, he replied, "There?"  
  
The ancient one sighed heavily, hanging his head. Already he had misplaced him, and already he was wishing he were still somewhere else. "At least he's here with you."  
  
"What… what *happened* to him?" Elrohir asked hesitantly, glancing down at his father warily. "Why is it that when he retired to bed he was perfectly fine and now he's…"  
  
"I don't know," Glorfindel interrupted, staggering over to the bed and sitting down promptly and gently. Elrond looked up at the new arrival with big bright eyes, smiled briefly and went back to dissecting the treat shamelessly on the silken sheets. Elrohir picked up the banana and began to peel it slowly, watching the child as if he were going to bite him at any given moment. Shifting around, Glorfindel moved the rolling apple elsewhere on the huge bed Elrohir slept in alone at night, lifting Elrond up and setting him more into the middle of the bed.   
  
Breaking a piece of the white meat from the banana and hesitantly offering it to Elrond, Elrohir murmured, "This is most insane. I cannot believe my own eyes. It must be…"  
  
"A dream," Glorfindel finished, shaking his head. "My thoughts exactly." His gaze shifted over to the toddler, who had taken the offered food from the Elf's fingers and was now gnawing on his hand, eating the fruit in his own strange way. Elrond, when finished, grabbed whatever was left of the chocolate and crawled over to the other brown-haired Elf. Standing, he broke off a piece and held it out to the other, not a smile adorning his face but a pleading look in his eyes - the look one would give to another that would say that if they didn't accept the gift the world will crumble in one point five seconds flat. Elrohir reached out and took the sweet from the child with lean fingers, his lips curling upwards when Elrond beamed with delight at the acceptance, plunking himself down on the soft bed to proceed in picking at the lush red of the apple's skin.  
  
Sighing again, Glorfindel automatically took the fruit from the child and, producing a knife he kept around his waist, began to skin it, the happy cries making him smile slightly as Elrond reached out to take a share of the skins and small slabs of meat, gleefully chewing and eating it. The moment of peace was broken when a new someone burst into the room, stopping dead when he saw the scene before him. Elrohir brightened instantly.  
  
"Elladan! You've met our father, haven't you?"  
  
Raising a thin eyebrow skyward, Elladan eyed the small Elf sitting with the other two males as if he owned the place (and, in fact, he did) every now and then reaching out to take claim for the skin of the apple that of which Glorfindel was busily ridding of. The eldest son of the Lord of Imladris gawked at the smaller Elf, his eyes asking a silent question. Elrohir answered for him. "Insane, isn't it? The little guy wandered in here and woke me up - quite rudely, if you ask me! I just hope he wasn't that straightforward in rousing someone when he was really this small back then."  
  
"Heh. Even if he was, both of you followed suit quite well," Glorfindel retorted good-naturedly, sporting a cocky grin. "Elrond wasn't especially pleased with Elladan, in general."  
  
At the sound of his name, Elrond looked up at speaking Elf, blinking once before scooting over closer to the said being, cuddling. Elladan was not impressed.  
  
"What are we going to do? We can't LEAVE him like that! My gods, that's our father! I mean, we have to do something to return him to normal!"  
  
Elrohir reached out and ruffled Elrond's hair, who giggled and hid within Glorfindel's robes. "I don't see why you're so angry, love. I'm sure it's only a 24 hour thing - it'll pass, and he'll be fine in the morning."  
  
"And what if he isn't?" Elladan glared at the child, or what he could see of him. "What are we going to do then?"  
  
Glorfindel laughed throatily, grabbing Elrond's retreating form and throwing him gently onto the bed, tickling him with no mercy. Both brothers smiled broadly at the sound of an Elven child's laughter, unable to contain themselves. Elrond, once free of Glorfindel's evil clutches, scampered off the bed and over to Elladan, still carrying his now signature hunk of chocolate. Depositing it in the taller one's hand, he slipped out the door and into the hall, giggling loudly as he went off to create some innocent trouble. With a grunt and a few mutterings, Glorfindel was up and off after him, calling the Elven lord back.  
  
Silence overcame the two brothers who were now alone in the room, eyes transfixed on the door where the two other Elves had exited. Elladan paused, then looked over at his brother with a silly grin plastered on his face. Elrohir blinked owlishly back at him, searching that devilish face for an answer, gasping and glaring at him when he finally deciphered the meaning behind it. "You!"  
  
"Me?" Elladan strode over to the bedside, leaning over and setting both hands on either side of his younger. "What about me?"  
  
Elrohir snorted. "You little fart! This is all your sneaky doing, isn't it?"  
  
"What, father strangely turning up to be a child?" His grin widened. "Are you saying I have a part in this?  
  
"Indeed!"   
  
"And what if it is?" Elladan leaned in closer to his brother, his nose millimeters from his face. "What are you going to do about it?"  
  
Scrunching up his nose, Elrohir grabbed the offending Elf roughly by the front, pulling him down on top of him, keeping their nose distance steady. "Wouldn't you like to know?"  
  
Smirking, "As a matter of fact, yes."  
  
"Hmph. Now that is a secret," he taunted, adopting a smug look. "And why, pray tell, are you doing this?"  
  
"You said you wanted a child," Elladan replied innocently, halo and all. "I thought you would like to know what it's like to have one running around."  
  
"And therefore you use our father as an example."  
  
"Exactly."  
  
Pause.  
  
"I hate you."  
  
"I love you too." Elladan closed the space between them and stole a kiss from his sibling, earning a similar reaction. Chuckling, he pulled away, but found he had acquired a new attachment as he did. Hugging the clinging Elrohir to his chest, he remarked, "This ought to be interesting."  
  
Before Elrohir could make any sort of comment, lo and behold, a loud crash interrupted their solitude, followed by a piercing shriek.   
  
"ELROND! You meddling little bugger, get back over here! I swear, I'm gonna have your HEAD soon enough and you can kiss every last one of your precious marbles goodbye!"  
  
The twins were dead silent, then burst into fits of giggles. Elrohir kissed Elladan's cheek fondly, choking down the last bits of his giggles. "I think this is the part where we step outside in time to see Glorfindel's head making precise contact with the marble pillars, don't you think?"  
  
Laughing, "This will prove to be an exhilarating experience, ne, love?"  
  
Grinning, "Indeed." 


	3. Bathtime, fun fun..

"No!"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Why?!"  
  
"Because I said so!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Elrond!" Glorfindel sighed heavily, glaring at the stubborn child. "Elrond, this is getting us nowhere."  
  
"But…"  
  
"No buts! Into the bath you go." Without another word, the ancient Elf lifted the squirming youngster up and into the warm spring, drawing his head back to avoid drowning from Elrond's persistent splashing. Spitting out some water, he set his stare on Elrohir, who sat merrily on the sidelines eating a cup of fruit. The twin smiled sweetly, waving to his tutor airily, then looked up at Elladan when he plunked himself down next to him, bearing a bowl of popcorn.  
  
Glorfindel snorted. "Don't think you two can get away with this."  
  
"Oh, we would never let it cross our minds," Elladan replied, his words coated with sugar. "We're just… resting."  
  
"Resting?!" Glorfindel bellowed, hands on hips. Elrond squeaked and dove under the water, swimming across to the other side, leaving bubbles in his wake. Glaring at the twins, he said, "And you expect me to care for Elrond when you, Elladan, were the one who began this mess?"  
  
Silence.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Why you arrogant…"  
  
"Uhm, what is that?" The two turned their heads to see Elrond cupping something of a orangish brownish tint that looked like a blob of slime from where Glorfindel and the twins were sitting. The child was babbling happily to it, stroking the unknown organism and playing with it shamelessly. Grunting, Glorfindel hauled himself to his feet and walked over to the little waterfall where Elrond was hiding behind with his new pet, bending down to inspect this new species of slime molds.  
  
Elrond blinked owlishly up at the Elf, then pulled his blob to his cheek, nuzzling it, keeping his eyes on Glorfindel in case he dared to try to take it away. Elrohir and Elladan watched with enthusiasm, Elrohir sucking on an apple piece and leaning over to get a better look at Elrond's discovery. Elladan, with this distraction, swiped his brother's cup of fruit, yelping and cowering against a tree when the younger snarled playfully, pouncing immediately on him without a moment's hesitation. Glorfindel, however, was too busy trying to persuade Elrond to hand over the thing, but the Elven child was unyielding.  
  
Dunking the ball under the water, Elrond giggled and raised it back up into Glorfindel's face, squeezing it gently and laughing when it overflowed from his hands, but he was ready to catch it in time before it splashed back into the water. A few more words were said and Elrond reluctantly handed over his prize, watching both Elf and animal for whatever may happen. Glorfindel inspected it closely, squeezing it softly like Elrond had done, then dropped it promptly back into the water when it eve so ungraciously spilled its guts (literally) out at him. Elrond erupted into a shout of laughter, drawing the twins' attention to him. Glorfindel glared and reprimanded the younger, then pulled him out from the water, towel ready and began to dry him. "Sea cucumbers, Elrond, are not toys!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Ugh, Elrond…" Elrohir slapped his brother's shoulder warningly, glaring at him while stuffing some fruit into his mouth. Looking over at the pair, he puffed out his cheeks, food still inside, and grinned. Elrond snorted and dissolved into giggles, making it harder for Glorfindel to dry the wriggling child. Grabbing him by the waist, the older Elf hoisted the younger up into his lap, throwing another towel over his head, rubbing it furiously over his hair to dry it. In this instant, the twins were fooling around to make Glorfindel's job as hard as possible with sticking bits of fruit and popcorn into each other's hair behind his back, pulling absurd faces and overall sending Elrond into unstoppable rapturous laughter.  
  
Finally Glorfindel looked over his shoulder to see Elrohir lurching around like an Orc on a chemical high, Elladan close on is heels flinging Elbereth knows what at his back. Standing up, the ancient Elf stalked quickly over to their forms, and giving them both a hearty push, sent them both into the spring shouting and flailing their arms. Elrond laughed and clapped his hands, waddling over to Glorfindel with his towel about his waist, reaching up and taking a hold of his hand. The taller smirked, calling out to the soaking twins. "This is only the beginning."  
  
Elrond twisted an edge of the towel around in his hand, looking around and spotting an appealing mud pool nearby. Dropping his caretaker's hand silently, he walked over to the calling wet dirt, scooping up a large handful with both hands. Looking back to see if he was being watched, he raised it over his hand and let go, letting the sopping mess trickle down his hair all over his front, back, and arms, grinning proudly. He sat down into the slushy stuff and basically getting it all over his body, including his towel. Gathering up another huge glob, he stood and made his way unseen back to Glorfindel, kicking at his foot lightly to get attention. And attention he did get.  
  
"ELROND! I just gave you a bath! Oh gods, why did you go and do that? You're covered in mud, and your hair…!" Elrohir and Elladan watched bemused when Elrond just wordlessly smeared it over Glorfindel's robes, throwing a bit up at him to land in his hair. Making a defeated whimpering sound, Glorfindel sank down to his knees, not bothering to scold him when the child affectionally scrubbed more mud into his blonde hair, giving him an impromptu shampoo job.  
  
Elrohir observed this scene closely, then ticked his head over to talk into his brother's ear in a low voice. "Y'think Glor gave up already?"  
  
"Nah," Elladan replied, engrossed in watching his wet robes billow out whenever he let his arm float in the water. "He helped Dad raise us, then Arwen, so this won't be so bad."  
  
"Uhm, I'm not so sure," Elrohir returned warily. "He looks pretty much gone."  
  
Elladan looked up. Glorfindel now lay on his stomach, Elrond sitting daintily on his back, still into giving him a mud hair wash. Their sensitive ears caught a line of "Life is so unfair" every now and then from their tutor, the once-blonde Elf whimpering like an abandoned pet. Elrohir sighed. "We should save him."  
  
"If we must." Calling out, "Elrond, you dirty bugger, over here!"  
  
Elrond and Glorfindel lifted their heads at Elladan's voice, and Elrond hopped off the worn Elf's back to stand at the edge of the spring. Elladan grabbed him and pulled him into the water, the splashing starting all over again but this time with happy giggles. Glorfindel groaned, refusing to move.  
  
Bath time went around again, but as the twins were climbing out with Elrond in tow, the child found something interesting sitting on the bank. Reaching out to grab it, he found that it was on to his scheme, and shot out a green liquid, landing perfectly in his hair and then speeding away under the water. Elrohir looked back to see the end of this, and to see the child sporting his new green hair unaware of the change. He sighed, and splashed some water to rid of it, but it wouldn't budge.  
  
"Uh, Glory, Elrond's hair is green."  
  
"WONDERFUL."  
  
"Elrond, darlink, time for another bath!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You're dirty again."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"…because your hair is green."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because you've been naughty!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"*GROAN*" 


	4. Turning the Tables?

"Ah, ah, ah, Elrond, asparagus is not a sword."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because it's FOOD, not a weapon!"  
  
SMACK!  
  
"Correction, asparagus is a weapon."  
  
Elrohir smirked behind his hand, and grabbing a fork, he speared a green stalk on the utensil. Holding it up, he demonstrated smothering it in melted butter, loyally getting it soaked, and raised it to a vertical stance on his fork, watching the thick yellow substance drip down back into the bowl. As messily as he could, Elrohir chewed and ate the vegetable, giving Elrond a chance to see real sea food up close.  
  
"Elrohir! That's disgusting! You really are a bad influence on children."  
  
Stuffing some broccoli into his mouth and chewing quickly, Elrohir gave Glorfindel the same treatment. "Yeaf, woll, id isft like yob neva donb et."  
  
"Swallow and try again."  
  
"Good gods, *I* can do better than that!"  
  
"Don't prompt him, Elladan! It's bad enough as it is!"  
  
"I'm not talking about Elrohir, I'm talkin' about Elrond! Lookit that! I've never seen *anyone* do the chipmunk impression with mashed potatoes before!"  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"COOL!"  
  
Glorfindel glared at the twins sharply, grabbing Elrond's hands and cleaning them with a nearby towel. He proceeded to scold the child in a harsh whisper, reprimanding him with a small smack on the nose. Elrond closed his eyes and opened them in time to hear his nanny chide him a little more before wagging the towel at Elladan. "I blame this all on you, since it is your fault."  
  
"Our fault?" Elladan took the mashed potato bowl away, giving Glorfindel an innocent, surprised glance. "Yes, I slipped a little something into his wine last night, but come on! Elrohir said…"  
  
"AH-HAH!" Elrond jumped in his seat, shrinking back into the cushions when his 'nanny' shouted unexpectedly, wincing and turning his head to bury his face in the soft velvety pillows of the chair at Glorfindel's upraised hand that he drew up quickly at his exclamation. Elrohir frowned, furrowing his eyebrows at the child, ignoring the other two Elves to observe this behavior.  
  
"You said ELROHIR wanted a child, yes, so you turned Elrond into one. And here *I* am taking care of him when *you* two should, since you will have to if you ever have one."  
  
"…really…?"  
  
"Don't give me that! You know perfectly well that you'll have to take care of it yourself!"  
  
Meanwhile, oblivious to Elrohir's notice of him, Elrond slipped soundlessly out of the chair and onto the floor. Rubbing his nose, he walked over to the railing of the study they all had gathered in, reaching out to a very low branch and, muttering an apology, broke off a good-sized twig from the tree of his choice. Elrohir narrowed his eyes. The twig Elrond had chosen was about half the length of his arm, and full of protruding branches that would hurt if touched, as they were sharp.  
  
Elrond nibbled on his lip, bending the broken piece in his hands. Though it appeared to be strong and would break at the slightest arch, it was flexible and would be a nice playing sword for youngsters. Carrying it back over to the table, he stood at Glorfindel's side, looking up at the blonde Elf. Elrohir raised an eyebrow.  
  
"…and you should take caution!"  
  
"You perplex me, Glor. You really do."  
  
"Makes your mind work a little harder. Back to the problem here, Elrond is…" Elrond tugged carefully on Glorfindel's robes, head still tilted up to look at the older Elf intently, as if reading his mind. Glorfindel looked down to see the child with the switch in his hand and blinked. "What are you doing with that, Elrond?"  
  
Wordlessly, Elrond seized the lean hand, opening it up from the fist and placed the twig into his palm. Closing the fingers around it, he stepped back and stood there as if waiting for something to happen, his eyes never leaving Glorfindel's face. Elladan shot a curious look in his brother's direction and received a glance of suspicion. Furrowing his eyebrows, Glorfindel set his steady gaze on the child.  
  
"What do you want me to do with this, Elrond? It had better not be what I think it is."  
  
Mouth twitching, the small brunette Elf took off his shirt, dropping the garment on the floor. Then he stood awaiting what he expected the elder would carry out, his face expressionless. Elladan shifted his eyes back over to the scene at hand, looking at Elrond but speaking to Glorfindel. "Does he want you to hit him," he asked in a hushed voice, twisting his fingers into his hair. Glorfindel refused to meet the twin's stare.  
  
"I don't know," he replied as quietly as the question was asked. Louder, he said, "Elrond, tell me what you want to do. I don't understand." When Elrond turned his back on him and looked over his shoulder expectantly, his nanny sighed. "Actions are not helping. Tell me in words."  
  
"I…" Elrond began, searching for the right words that he thought wouldn't anger the blonde. "I was being bad, and every time I was bad Ada* would tell me to get a switch and he would…"  
  
"Enough." Elrohir stood, walking over and squatting down in front of the Elven child, locking eyes with him. "Have we hit you at all for all the times you've been naughty today?" Elrond shook his head. "Then why do you expect us to hit you now?"  
  
Shifting his weight, the youngling didn't have an answer. "Darling, neither of us is your father, and neither of us is going to hit you, and Glorfindel wouldn't be caught dead giving the switch to a kid." Elrohir smiled softly, cupping Elrond's jaw in his hands. "Okay?"  
  
Elladan looked over Glorfindel's shoulder for the reaction, fingering a pen in his hand. Glorfindel stood silent, waiting for whatever may happen. Elrond nodded, wrapping his arms around Elrohir's neck, burying his face in the raven hair when he was lifted up in the twin's arms. Glorfindel gave a sigh of relief, walking back over to the balcony and throwing the twig out into the trees. Elladan smiled, and reaching casually for a spoon and mashed squash, he scooped up more than enough of the orange mush, hiding it behind his back when his tutor turned back around.  
  
When both brother, child, and tutor had turned his back on him, Elladan took a large spoonful of melted marshmallows and mixed them both together hurriedly in a small cup. Grinning devilishly at the sight of his concoction, he took another spoonful and, as soon as the three pivoted back to face, him, flung the mess at them, howling with laughter at the sight of lover and teacher dripping in the disgusting mess. Interesting it was, since Elrond was completely unscathed and delighted to see this, and even more so when Elrohir struck back with strawberry sauce, dousing his brother in the sticky substance.  
  
Glorfindel obediently stood back against the wall as both twins ran past him, shouting at each other jokingly and just about starting another terrible food fight. When they were gone, Elrond looked up at the blonde, whose eyes were looking down at him. Smiling, Glorfindel ran his marshmallow and squash-covered fingers through the silky brown hair, eliciting happy giggles from the younger. Snuggling into his arms, Elrond nuzzled against the firm chest, closing his eyes and quietly slipping into slumber.  
  
Glorfindel smiled. He had always loved children, and has always loved his lord like the loyal friend he was. Ah, but now with the little mishap, he felt he knew Elrond just a little better, and he would be absolutely sure to use this experience as blackmail in the future.  
  
Laying the sleeping form on a mass of downy pillows, Glorfindel walked airily over to his lord's vast collection of herbs and remedies. Shuffling through the bottles, he found the one Elladan had experimented with the night before, hidden behind an eye of newt and - Glorfindel suppressed a giggle - a brown bunch of mint leaves that he had presented to Elrond years prior, and ever since was a stupid inside joke they shared from time to time.*  
  
Smirking, he opened the vial and sprinkled a white powder into the wine- coloured potion, quickly screwing the top back on, hiding it in his robes. Lifting a neat golden eyebrow, he glanced over in the direction the twins had left in, his mouth curling upwards. It was now *his* turn to play the game, and his turn to win.  
  
~***~  
  
Notes  
  
Ada – I stand corrected! Thank you Rociriel for setting me straight:  
  
"Ada" is "Daddy". "Atar" is "Father" (as in Iluv-atar)  
  
Brown mint leaves – Hurray for inside jokes! That story will be revealed later, nyah nyah. *g*  
  
Ideas and suggestions welcome! 


	5. 99 Bottles of Beer...

Elrohir fondly drew the brush from the cherry wood dresser, turning around to stroke his brother's hair with the soft bristles. Elladan closed his eyes, sitting patiently while the younger brushed his hair, now clean and silky from the previous bath. The twins remained in silence, savouring it for the first time that day. There has not been a moment's peace since Elrond bounded into Elrohir's room earlier; taking care of toddlers was surely a chore for only the most fittest of Elves.  
  
Finishing his task, Elrohir placed the brush back into its drawer, proceeding to braid the ebony hair. His intents were disrupted when Elladan whirled around to pin him down on the soft blankets, straddling his waist. The younger blinked up at him, hair sprawled out across the silk, giving him a halo of chocolate brown hair. Elladan smiled, bending down to press soft kisses to his brother's cheek and forehead, then finally to his lips. Elrohir smirked. "Already?"  
  
Elladan mirrored his brother's expression. "No. Not yet." He grinned. "We have just finished lunch, we have the rest of the day to work this out. And to watch Glorfindel pull out his hair."  
  
Elrohir clicked his tongue. "Now now, melme, I think we're being too mean to Glorfindel."  
  
"Really?" Elladan let the lean wrists free, lying down on his brother to snuggle against his chest. "I beg to differ."  
  
Elrohir sighed, playing with strands of Elladan's hair. "I dunno, 'Adan." He tilted his head to the side to see his brother's eyes staring up at him. "I think we should be more helpful."  
  
The older twin furrowed his eyebrows. "Helpful?"  
  
"I recognize that that particular word isn't in your vocabulary, but…"  
  
"But why?" Elladan captured the slim fingers in his own, pulling himself up to touch noses. He narrowed his eyes playfully, entwining his free hand into Elrohir's hair. "Elrohir…?"  
  
"B...because…" Blinking innocently, Elrohir searched for a good answer. But the look his brother was giving him unnerved the poor Elf, and he was unable to think. Elladan quickly bit at his ear, making him shudder. "Because Glory…"  
  
"Worried, eh?"  
  
"YES! Yes, I'm worried!" Elrohir blew in his face; Elladan jerked back momentarily. "You know how Glorfindel works! Remember that last time? The bread incident?"  
  
Elladan rolled his eyes. "How could I forget?"  
  
"You couldn't! Glorfindel is as old as Ada, and twice as cunning! He's always got something up his sleeve! Maybe this wasn't a good idea…"  
  
"Elrohir, you talk too much." Elladan tipped his finger to his brother's nose. "Don't worry. The stuff I slipped into Ada's drink would only last a day. Besides, the amount I used should wear off in a few hours."  
  
Elrohir threw him a skeptical glance. "You're sure?"  
  
Pause.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
Elladan grasped his twin's arm before he could leave, pulling him back and hugging him to his body. "Love, believe me. If I tell a lie, you can punish me if you want. Until then…"  
  
"Punish you?" A timid, sneaky smile flashed across Elrohir's lips. "You promise?"  
  
Widening his eyes, Elladan stared down at his mirror image, snorting. "No!"  
  
"C'mon, you never let me punish you!"  
  
"I'm not gonna start now!"  
  
"You don't love me?"  
  
"I never said that!"  
  
"You don't love mee…! I'm hurt! Betrayed!"  
  
"Elrohir!"  
  
"I've been bad, Elladan – punish me."  
  
Silence.  
  
"Heh heh… rawr…"  
  
"*GRIN*"  
  
~***~  
  
Elrond flung his arms around Glorfindel's neck, singing happily in the most unangelic voice possible, and even more so, directly into his delicate, sensitive pointed ear. The blonde Elf recoiled in horror, grabbing Elrond's arms and wrenching them off his neck, gasping and patting his fingers to his ears desperately, checking for blood. Relieved, he sent a quick glare to the oblivious, singing child; Elrond paused for a moment before bursting into a very bawdy beer tavern song – one that even made Glorfindel turn a bright red.  
  
"ELROND! You should not sing that!"  
  
Puppy eyes stared back up at him. "Why?"  
  
Glorfindel tried to resist the eyes, chewing at his lip. "Because… it's not… it's not a nice song!"  
  
He blinked. "It isn't?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Oh. Okay."  
  
Sighing heavily, Glorfindel began to turn back around to finish whatever he was doing only to cringe and whirl back to face the child when he began right where he left off with his beer song. Massaging his temples calmly, he picked up the toddler, carrying him over to the big overstuffed chair and dumped him into the cushions. Elrond squeaked and giggled, undaunted and still singing. "…gave a ghastly gurgle...[UUURGH]...and fell dead upon the ground…"  
  
"Ai! Elrond! Stop that this instant!"  
  
Elrond, to his thankful surprise, haulted his, ahem, melodious chants. Glorfindel straightened, fixing his hair slightly and plopped himself into an opposing chair. Regaining the calming tone to his voice, he repeated, "Sing something else."  
  
"Oh I'm the man, the very fat man, That waters the workers beer…"  
  
"That *isn't* a beer tavern song."  
  
Huge brown eyes looked at him filled to the brink with confusion. "But I dunno anything else."  
  
"Of course you do!" Searching for a famous, easy tune, he continued, "What about Gil-Galad?"  
  
Blink. Blink.  
  
Sweat began to bead on his forehead. "Don't give me that look! You know who Gil-Galad is?"  
  
His eyes brightened. "Yeah!" Glorfindel visibly relaxed, settling back into the cushions.  
  
"Good."  
  
"I have a dog his name is Rover. OH MY GOODNESS! I have a dog his name is Rover. EEE BY GUM! I have a dog his name is Rover, And when he shits he shits all over. SHIT ALL ROUND THE ROO…"  
  
"ELROND!!!"  
  
~***~  
  
Elladan ran manically around the halls, scaring some of Imladris' inhabitants and petrifying the others. The heir slid against the slippery marble floors, waving his arms frantically to grab a hold to a pillar, hanging onto it for dear life. Elrond was only a mere few yards away, prancing happily about, carrying a very, *very* delicate and *very* priceless piece of china, one he wouldn't be messing around with if he were the 6, 000 + Elf he used to be.  
  
Elrohir and Glorfindel had placed themselves on other sides of the room, making it almost impossible for the little Lord to leave without passing them first. Elrond threw the china up into the air, catching it deftly just as it plummet down, causing the three other Elves to heave a huge sigh, but Glorfindel shrieked when the child decided it would be fun to test the china horse (which measured to be nearly half his size, but rather lightweight) for a flying lesson.  
  
Climbing the banister and standing on the rail, Elrond viewed the marvelous gardens from his perch briefly. Elrohir, silently thanking the Valar that his father agreed to teach him how to ice skate when he was younger, swept across the icy-touch of the floors to Elrond, grasping him firmly by the waist a second too late.  
  
The horse went down.  
  
Glorfindel screamed, launching at the nearest rail and leaping over it, trying to catch a hold of the horse before it broke against the ground below. Elladan merely stood back behind his pillar to watch it all, positive that if he had a tail it would be between his legs at his very moment. Elrond was confused beyond all else, not understanding the worth of that play toy, but equally as ashamed as Elladan. Elrohir was trying to nicely rebuke him, but when Glorfindel reared his angry head, all hope vanished.  
  
All of them were going to die.  
  
Sensing the older Elf's state, Elrond blurted out the first thing to come to mind in hopes to soothe him.  
  
"Booze! Booze!" the firemen cried As they came a-knocking at the door, Oh don't let them in till it's all mopped up, Somebody shouted "MacKintyre" MACKINTYRE!!!!!"  
  
"ELROND!!" 


	6. Contemplating Dust Bunnies

Elrohir patted the silk-covered back comfortingly, clenching his fist in his lap. He tried not to succumb to the torture, nor add any misery to the matter, neither make light of it, but it really was pathetic. Really pathetic. Not that that priceless horse didn't mean anything to him, since it meant a lot as a wedding gift from his grandparents to his own parents, but the fact that it wasn't the prettiest thing in the House and he knew his father despised it as well. Then again, his mother was strong on what stayed and what didn't in the décor apartment, so Elrond didn't have much of a choice. Elrohir sighed. He felt sad for the golden beauty, and feared his father's wrath when he heard about it after this little adventure came to an end, but honestly…  
  
"Glorfindel, you can stop sucking on the lemons now."  
  
Glorfindel glared up at him, hunched over a bowl of lemon rinds and cut up pieces of bright yellow fruit meat. He didn't bother to respond; instead, he stuffed more of the tangy, overly sweet and sour fruit into his mouth, scrunching up his nose at the twin. Elrohir rolled his eyes, sending a pleading look over in his brother's direction. Elladan was no help, since he was busy trying to piece the shot horse together, a shameful Elrond at his side holding a bowl of glue. The little child sniffed, sneezed, lost his hold on the bowl, found it again, but ended up dribbling some of the sticky substance down the side and onto his hands. Of course, he didn't even notice.  
  
The golden haired Elf spit out the chewed up remains, gasping slightly. "That child is going to be the death of me," he muttered to himself, wiping his mouth wit the back of his hand. Sighing heavily, he turned to Elrohir. "I hope you know that I'm holding you two responsible for this when he gets back to normal."  
  
"Ai, Elbereth," Elladan cried, grabbing miserably at the pieces of a mane falling from their glued place and into the bowl of the stuff right at his side. Whimpering, he made a move to fetch it, only to disturb the table and the contents on it, thereby shattering the twin's hard work in a single shake. Elrond squeaked, backing away as Elladan slumped to the floor.  
  
Glorfindel offered no pity. "Remember, Elladan – YOU started this, YOU'RE going to finish this."  
  
Elladan scowled. "Yes, yes, I know, I know… *mother*."  
  
Elrond looked up. "Mother, eh," Glorfindel returned, sitting up straight. Eyes twinkling, he narrowed them into slits. "For such arrogance, I hope your manhood drops off on your wedding night, or, better yet, I shall have it removed and placed in a small jar of brine. A *small* jar."  
  
Elrond's eyes widened. Elrohir winced.  
  
"Are you sure a *small* jar would be enough to hold me, Glorfindel?" Elladan countered back, not missing a beat.  
  
"Indeed."  
  
Elrohir snorted loudly. "How interesting! From a china horse to…"  
  
"Change of subject," Elladan interrupted, grabbing at the strewn pieces tensely. He looked up at Elrond, who was looking down at him, the heavy bowl balanced in his arms none too steadily wavering. Glorfindel scowled, biting into a rineless lemon without flinching at all. Elrohir mildly wondered where the ancient being learned to suck and eat lemons at times of great stress. Maybe because Glory was being such a sourpuss the lemons just countered his moods and… nevermind.  
  
Elrond stepped back to clear the way for Elladan's seeking hands, inching away whenever the twin came close. He was so focused on watching the raven haired beauty that he didn't see the post behind him, and when he went to step back his shoulder blades hit the marble post, which surprised the child, and when a child is surprised and holding something heavy one tends to lose the concentration on it. Elladan just happened to be nearly under the bowl when this took place, and before he knew it, glue was running down his fair face and body.  
  
Glorfindel spit out the chunks of lemon in his mouth and howled with laughter. The expression of sheer annoyance plastered on Elladan's face was enough to make even Thranduil of Mirkwood laugh till he cried (and Thranduil was sometimes known to be a little emotionless.) Elrohir himself had to literally put his nose into a book to suppress the laughter. Oh, how he wished there was some way to capture this moment to share with his unfortunate half in years to come!  
  
Little Elrond meekly set the bowl on the ground, offering a clean towel to Elladan. Elladan slowly took it, wiping his face, making sure to glare at his brother and friend long and hard. Elrond moved away from the red hot aura radiating from Elladan, only to crash securely into a bookcase. It wobbled unsteadily (it was one of the smaller ones), some books shivering and falling to the floor. The simple 'clump' of a book brought the trio's attention directly to Elrond, who stared back at them fearfully.  
  
Silence stilled the room, each holding their breaths.  
  
The bookcase leaned backwards and created a domino effect to five others behind it. Time appeared to slow down during the stunt, each book flying out into the air and landing in various locations on the marble flooring, thee pairs of eyes watching mournfully as each bookcase crashed to its death against each other and the floor. Once all six had gone down, there was a minute of quiet horror. Then the pairs of eyes turned to Elrond, each bearing a different emotion: shock, anger, and pity.  
  
Elrond opened an eye at a time to bear these emotions, bottom lip quivering. Looking nervously over his shoulder and back at the witnesses, he mumbled something about freeing the dust bunnies before they rioted and ate him up. Glorfindel fainted back against the cold floor, a hand placed over his forehead dramatically.  
  
Elladan gawked wordlessly, refusing to believe what had happened right before his eyes. Elrohir calmly stood and picked up the near-crying Elf child, patting his back comfortingly. Elrond began to bawl, grabbing the Elf's robes and burying his face in his shoulder, positive he was going to be punished badly for sure this time. But the gentle Elf holding him was sympathetic, stroking the child's long dark locks, whispering soothing words into his ear.  
  
After awhile, Elrond's sobs began to dwindle, two big puffy eyes still rimmed with tears staring out at Elladan and his glue-cloaked form making the older twin almost break down crying himself. Elrohir patted Elrond's back a few more times, then turned around to confront Elladan. Glorfindel was still out cold on the floor, no signs of awakening visible.  
  
"He just wanted the dust bunnies to be free, Elladan. Is that too much to ask? How would you feel if you were a dust bunny trapped under that ancient bookcase all those years, pleading for a ticket to freedom? The only thing Elrond wanted was for them to be happy, and now they can be sad no more. It's hard being a dust bunny, I'm sure! All squished together with other bunnies and grime and whatnot, keeping dust all to yourself – it's hard work, even though it may not sound like it! I think he deserves a reward for his good, warm-hearted deed."  
  
Elladan held out a long pause. "Perhaps it would be a bad idea for you to raise children."  
  
"The dust bunnies, Elladan! Think of the dust bunnies!"  
  
"Your sanity is scaring me enough."  
  
"You're just jealous *you* didn't free the dust bunnies!"  
  
"I am *not* jealous about any stupid *dust bunny*…"  
  
"C'mon, Elrond, Elladan's being a prick. Let's go get some of that dark chocolate cake, shall we?"  
  
"!!!!"  
  
"Oh, and Elladan – please remember to clean yourself up and do something about Glorfindel. He'll be attracting more Balrogs if you just leave him there – you know sourpusses attract other sourpusses." Elrohir stalked happily out of the study, a gleeful little Elfie Elrond in his arms.  
  
Elladan glared at Glorfindel's prone body, and glared even harder at the doorway where Elrohir retreated through. Standing up, he reached down to lift Glorfindel into his arms when an idea struck him at full force. His frown eventually mutated into a grin that would make a Cheshire Cat proud. Hoisting the Elf over his shoulder, the mischievous son of Elrond scampered out of the study towards his room, leaving little gluey footprints in his wake. 


	7. Mummy He Is Not

"You are getting sleeeeeeeeeeeeepy…"  
  
"Eehhjjaaa?"  
  
"You are getting SLEEEEEEEEE-pyyy…"  
  
"Elladan?"  
  
"You are getting SLEEEEEE-PYYYYYY…"  
  
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"  
  
"You're supposed to be getting sleepy, dammit! Now nod off! I feel like I'm talking to a wall!"  
  
"Oh dear Mandos! Get me out of this right now!" Elladan stuck out his tongue, dropping the pocket watch down in front of Glorfindel's face one more.  
  
"Fat chance, Glory-dill. Now hold still and concentrate on the swinging gold thingy…"  
  
"Your hypnotizing abilities just ran screaming for mercy, Elladan."  
  
"Shut up and work with me here!" Snorting, Elladan threw the pocket watch on the bed. "Oh, forget it. You look enough like her anyway."  
  
Glorfindel looked down at his lap and shrieked loud enough to shatter windows. Good thing Imladris didn't *have* any glass windows or else the cleaning crew would be pretty busy the rest of today, as if they weren't already. The Elf nearly turned blue from screaming for a lengthy time, but Elladan wasn't willing to let him die by throwing a good sized pillow at his head. "Shut up, I'm going deaf."  
  
Wheezing, "What do you think you're *doing* to me?! Are you trying to *kill* me? As if this wasn't bad enough with Elrond being a kid but oh dear ELBERETH my NAILS have been painted PINK!" And people went deaf.  
  
Stuffing a sock into Glorfindel's mouth, Elladan went over to the desk and pulled out pencils, soft brushes, and little round cases from the ebony drawer. Sitting down across from Glorfindel's seat, he set it out in a flashy array of colours. "Now I don't want to hear a word from you," Elladan began, uncapping a bright pink tube. "This may or may not work. Hopefully it will. I realize your vocabulary is colourful and that when you bite we have to get vaccinated with several anti-poison things, so that's why that sock is in your mouth."  
  
"Wuf ab yub pbannik tu do," Glorfindel managed to say around the article of clothing. Elladan smiled brightly, taking a small brush into his hand and wiping the bristles over the creamy pink tip of the lipstick. "Nah, ah, ah," the naughty twin cooed. "You're not cooperating, so I'm not telling you anything until I'm done."  
  
The blonde grumbled, struggling in his chair against the ropes binding him as Elladan fondly placed lipstick across his lips, an awful green-blue eyeshadow over his eyelids, and clumsily outlined Glorfindel's eyes with a black eyeliner. Before he could add the blush, the disgruntled Elf lord spit out the sock, panting furiously. "I haven't even looked in the mirror yet and already I can tell you can't do makeup for beans." Wiggling his arms against the rope, he added, dripping venom, "I'll do it *myself* if you *let me go*."  
  
Elladan blinked skeptically at him. "Do you *promise* not to try to escape?"  
  
Glorfindel narrowed his eyes dangerously. "I *promise*, your *highness*," he growled irritably. Elladan removed the bonds, stepping back as Glorfindel snatched the makeup items from him, plunking himself down in front of the mirror. Without bothering to even glance at his current state, he went about re-doing the job done on him expertly and elegantly to an extent that made Elladan ponder Glorfindel's true gender and sexuality. Soon enough, the blonde was finished and looked quite attractive if the author may say so herself. (Glorfindel: Which you may NOT!)  
  
Elladan stood gawking at the scene displayed in front of him, especially when Glorfindel reached up to pull his hair back in the most feminine manner with a large butterfly clip nestled on the back of his head. Elladan blinked long and hard. "Mummy?"  
  
"I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER!"  
  
"You certainly look like her! Wow, Glory-dill, you're really good at that. Were you a drag queen or female in some other life? Like your last one?"  
  
Fuming, "Tell me what's up your sleeve, Elladan Peredhil, or else SOMEONE is NEVER going to be able to reproduce no matter WHAT you prefer!"  
  
Elladan grinned broadly. "You're gonna be our mummy for a bit…"  
  
"I AM NOT GOING TO BE…"  
  
"Hold it, hold it, before you blow your top off, lemme explain." Glorfindel stared hard at his reflection in the mirror and at his new attributes, along with one of Celebrian's old dresses. Elladan gently pushed his ancient friend into a chair, hands clasped in front of him. "I was thinking…"  
  
"Don't hurt yourself."  
  
"That," Elladan glared, "if I could get you to act as Elrond's mum, then maybe we can get somewhere. Allow me to expand on this. When I added that little bit of powder to Ada's wine last night, the cure for it…"  
  
Glorfindel shook his head violently. "I know where you're going, and no, I'm not doing it. I may be strong friends with your father, and would do anything, well, just about anything, for him, I will *not* pose as his mother just so you can get off easily." He looked up at the one facing him. "No. You are settling this by yourself without me involved. As I said before, you started, you're finishing it."  
  
The ancient being got up to leave, but his wrist was taken captive and his body was thrown onto the bed. Glorfindel looked up to see Elladan hovering above him, index finger wagging back and forth in the 'no no' manner. "Misunderstood me, Glory. Yes, I started it. I know the cure for it. YOU are the only blonde member in this family. YOU are the only one old enough to know what Ada's parents even looked like. As I recall, you told us that Elwing was blonde and Earendil was brunette. I'm sure you'd like to end this torture as quickly as possible, so how about cooperating here?"  
  
During Elladan's little speech, Glorfindel was busy pretending to fix the tight-fitting dress around his body. Instead, he was really reaching for the small leather sack around his neck, pulling out some of its contents. When Elladan finished, he smiled sweetly up at the twin, bits and pieces of what was inside of the sack in his fist. "Cooperate? Sorry, Elladan – I finished playing your game a long time ago. Time for you to play *my* game." Before the twin could even blink, Glorfindel blew the white powder into Elladan's face, leaping off of the bed and scampering down the hall at full speed. One of the sons of Elrond stood in his room, coughing violently to rid his throat of the powder, head becoming fuzzy and vision blurring by the second.  
  
Safe inside his own quarters, Glorfindel stripped the dress off of him and cleaned up his face. He threw some clothes on, carefully re-doing his hair in its usual style. He had anticipated the mischievous Elf's intentions, but he was not about to be used like that. He only hoped that the powder would do its job, and that his skills in the transformation department weren't too rusty. He sighed. Just a matter of time. The day was drawing to a close anyway, so maybe it would just be 24 hour thing.  
  
Hopefully.  
  
"Glory?"  
  
Glorfindel turned on his heel, seeing for the first time a small child sitting on his bed, hugging a pillow to his chest. Elrond gazed up at his adult friend with huge brown eyes – he was adorable and beautiful enough in this state to overrule even fair Legolas and good friend Figwit of Imladris. Glorfindel smiled. "Yes, little one?"  
  
Elrond promptly let the pillow go and held out his arms. Walking to the bedside, the ancient beauty lifted the child into his strong hold, nuzzling the dark locks when Elrond buried his face in his own blonde ones. "Something the matter?"  
  
Elrond shook his head, fingers curling around stray blonde strands. "No." Pause. "Are you mad at me?"  
  
"No, precious. I'm not mad. I've just been a little stressed lately."  
  
"Oh." Elrond nudged his nose against Glorfindel's jaw. "I'm sorry."  
  
Glorfindel laughed delicately, ruffling the boy's hair. "Sorry for what?"  
  
"Being a nuisance."  
  
"No, darling, you're not being a nuisance. Elladan is," he mumbled, shifting the child's weight in his arms. "But that's not relevant. Don't you worry at all, okay?"  
  
Elrond nodded, looking at the doorway at something interesting. Squealing, he wiggled out of his caretaker's grasp and bounded over to the thing hiding behind the heavy oak door, disappearing behind it. He soon returned with a black something in his arms, beaming proudly up at a confused Glorfindel. At the same time Elrohir peeked into the room, perplexed.  
  
"I can't seem to find Elladan. Do you know where he went?"  
  
Elrond pulled hastily at Elrohir's robes, grinning up at him. "Kitty!"  
  
"That's nice dear. Glory, have you seen…"  
  
"But Elly…"  
  
"Elrond, love, this is really important that I find Ellada…" Elrohir blinked, then looked down for the first real time at the cat. Black fur, tufts of white under his chin and on his chest, those eyes were painfully familiar…  
  
Glorfindel caught Elrohir before he even got the chance to hit the ground, eyes wide at both Elrond and his newfound pet. Elrond only grinned brighter, holding the animal up for Glorfindel to see.  
  
"Oh. Dear. Elbereth." Weakly, "Elladan?"  
  
"Mrowr?"  
  
Thud.  
  
"…kitty…?"  
  
"Puuuuuuuurrrrrrrrr…" 


	8. The *Least* Expected

Comments: Emerin Mornlight of Rivendell greatly inspired me for Elladan's kitty name and credit goes out to her. Gwilwileth means 'butterfly'. *g* Ta!  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
Elladan snuggled into Elrond's mini robes, purring in delight. The child stroked the furry back fondly, swinging his legs out in front of him idly, giggling when the cat swapped his hand with his tail. Nearby the two furious Elves were wrangling with each other, getting absolutely nowhere except achieving in turning their faces redder than a beet.  
  
Tucking strands of hair behind his ear, Elrond gathered up the feline and toddled over to the table where some food was still laid out. Grabbing a banana, he unpeeled it and tried to feed it to Elladan, who tried to get away. But Elrond was determined to feed his kitty. He took a bowl of porridge and his faithful banana, with Cat under arm, and made his way to a window seat. Climbing up with animal, food and all, he placed Elladan next to him firmly, hand on back.  
  
Scooping up some of the cold creamy stuff in a spoon, Elrond placed the tip on Elladan's lips, trying to pry them open. However, Elladan had other ideas. He was *not* going to be fed *porridge* out of all things, and certainly not with a spoon. Jerking his head around to avoid the persistent toddler, his eyes settled on the banana within pouncing reach. Eyes flicking over to make sure Elrohir and Glorfindel were still at each other's throats, he slithered out of Elrond's hold and pounced upon the pale yellow-white fruit.  
  
As anticipated, the meat splurged everywhere. Elrond dropped the silver spoon and grabbed Elladan by the sides, lifting him up. He wrinkled his nose at the mess, scolding the angelic Cat gently. Plopping the feline down. Elrond made a move to get rid of it when he felt a cold something seeping around his thigh. Naturally he jumped up, but his Elven grace didn't come into play at this particular time and he landed in the spilled porridge goo, and his banana. Elladan was no worse.  
  
The troublemaker lay in a neat puddle of the mess, quite proud of himself, nearly covered head to paw in the nasty smelling food-type sludge. Elrond shook his head feverishly, his dampened hair spitting out clumps of porridge everywhere. Even still Elrohir and Glorfindel were oblivious to the activities taking place, making it all even better in a sense. Elladan grinned to himself – he wondered just how far he and Elrond could get before they even bothered to take notice of them. Best experiment and see, hmm?  
  
Elladan leapt gracefully off the cushions, prancing merrily to Glorfindel's feet when he froze in horror when Elrond chirped out, a little too loudly, "Tweeky, come back!" He groaned inwardly. Tweeky? The childish brat his father had been reduced to named him *Tweeky* out of all names? 'Elladan' would do just fine, but for Manwe's sake, anything but *Tweeky*!  
  
Screaming mentally, Elladan didn't bother to squirm when Elrond picked him up around the waist, holding him in a death clutch to his chest and stroking his a head a bit too hard, all the time muttering, "Good boy, Tweeky. You're such a good kitty, Tweeky wikie…"  
  
"You named him *what*?"  
  
*Oh no! Not Elrohir!*  
  
"Tweeky," Elrond confirmed sincerely, smiling sweetly. Glorfindel and Elrohir shared equal looks of revenge and ecstatic humour, both suppressing an overflow of laughter that could drown Imladris itself. Elladan whimpered, which earned him a big hug from his captive.  
  
"Fair Elladan, I mean, Tweeky, you look drowned. Whatever happened to your GLORIOUS new fur?"  
  
"You look like you've been thrown into a pile of…"  
  
"Something unpleasant," Elrohir snapped, glaring. "Now that you two are dirty again, guess what that means!"  
  
Elrond blinked. "Cookie?"  
  
Glorfindel raised an eyebrow. "No, you're not even close."  
  
Pause. "Glory go night night?"  
  
If Elves could produce one, a large sweatdrop would have appeared on Glorfindel's head. "Uhm, no."  
  
Elladan rolled his eyes. *And I thought Ada was wise.* Mewing his disappointment, Elrond then caught on. "Oh, bath time!"  
  
"Correct, gwilwileth," Elrohir cheered, lifting Elladan out of Elrond's arms. Glorfindel was about to grab Elrond when he noticed something that he did not want to see, though he would have welcomed it earlier in the adventure. Elrond was suddenly taller. Taller than he was previously. He wasn't at the blonde Elf's knees anymore – in fact, he was at his hip. He was so enthralled in this change that he didn't even care about Elrohir stuffing his Cat-isized brother into a cage to keep him from clawing his eyes out.  
  
Glorfindel blinked. No, it wasn't his imagination. Elrond was taller than he was this morning. His face was aging too. Glorfindel began to panic. Not now! Oh, please Lady Elbereth, not *now*!  
  
"Glory, what…" Elrohir could not get through his sentence as they were blinded by a white-hot light that lasted a mere ten seconds but felt like ten minutes. When it had died down and they stopped seeing bright mushroom- shaped stars, Elrohir, Elladan, and Glorfindel faced what they thought would be the Master of Imladris but found what they least expected would be the outcome.  
  
"I hope SOMEONE has a very logical explanation for this or else it is going to be VERY unpleasant around here!"  
  
There, in the very center of the room, sat a very perplexed, embarrassed and angered Elrond Peredhil.  
  
But not just a perplexed, angered, and embarrassed Elrond Peredhil.  
  
*This* one was female.  
  
And if Elbereth couldn't save them, no one could. 


	9. He Said *What*?

Elrond paced quickly across the sandy tiles, clothed in one of Celebrian's old dresses now that her new. attributes didn't fit into her regular robes. The main guilty party sat on in a comfortable chair, the feline placed securely on Elrohir's lap, pawing at his robes nervously. Glorfindel had taken a place more off to the side in hopes of being forgotten by his comrade, though chances of that happening were slim.  
  
Elladan mewled quietly to himself and to his brother, communicating to each other secretively, so they thought - unfortunately, they had forgotten that their father, or rather, mother, knew the language of the animals.  
  
"I do NOT look fat in this dress!" Elrond glared evenly at her cattish son. "And my bust size is perfectly fine!"  
  
"It's larger than naneth's was, that's for sure," Elrohir muttered, ducking as Elrond's hand came out to slap him. The Twin placed Elladan on the floor, keeping his head low in case his parent decided to try and hit him again. "Just joking, ada. Or naneth. Whichever you prefer."  
  
"How did this happen? What did you do to me? Why am I a woman? I never wanted a sex change! I was perfectly happy as a male!"  
  
"We, Elladan and I, thought you'd be *happier* as a female," Elrohir cooed, grinning. "I mean, you were feminine enough already, and Arwen's purple dress is getting a little stretched out and we instantly thought you'd be trying on her dresses; I mean, isn't that in your diary?"  
  
Hormones raging, Elrond crumpled down on the floor and buried her face in her slim hands, crying soundly. "I thought I trusted my children! I raised you to be respectful of other people's privacy, especially your parents'! And then you go and read my diary, my own personal diary, and accuse me of trying on my daughter's purple dresses (which look marvelous on me) and give me a sex change without consulting me FIRST!"  
  
Glorfindel winced, feeling a drastic mood swing episode rising in the Peredhel's body. As predicted, Elrond jumped to her feet and clasped the sides of Elrohir's face like a concerned mother, nudging her nose to the Twin's. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Elrohir, I didn't mean to yell at you at all! I didn't hurt you emotionally, did I? Oh, Elrohir, my child," she babbled, hugging the gasping Twin to her chest, petting his head and rubbing his back.  
  
As quickly as it came, Elrond's sympathetic mood swept into a dangerous zone, and she pushed the younger son away from her, rising to her feet. "I cannot believe you played this terrible prank on your own father, after all that I've done for you! I hope you're happy, Elrohir, because you've just lost all the trust, faith, and love I have for you, and I don't think you'll ever get it back!" Elrond turned on her heel and fled from the library, heading for her private chambers.  
  
Silence stood still. Glorfindel blinked. Elrohir sniffed. "Does he really mean that? I'm hurt."  
  
Glorfindel stood and patted the younger Elf's shoulder. "Elrond didn't mean a word he just said, Elrohir - you know that."  
  
"But it still hurt," he grumbled, gathering Elladan back into his lap. Elladan nuzzled the large hand, curling his tail around his haunches. Elrohir glared down at him. "You must be happy, because Ada just blamed me when I had nothing to do with it. Stupid Twin."  
  
Elladan snorted elegantly, jutting his chin into the air. "Yes, you *are* a brat, Elladan," Elrohir stated, standing up so the feline would rudely fall from his lap onto the floor. "Now, if you'll excuse me, *I'd* like to take a *real* bath. Ta."  
  
Glorfindel was left alone with the cat for a few minutes before he scooped the animal into his arms and took him directly to Elrond's chambers, lecturing him briefly as they walked down the halls. He wasn't sure whether Elladan listened or not (he most likely didn't), but some things had to be said. Rapping softly on the door, Glorfindel called, "Elrond? It's Glorfindel. May I come in?"  
  
Silence met his inquiry. Elladan mewled softly as Glorfindel tried again. "Elrond?"  
  
Not getting an answer, Glorfindel hesitantly turned the knob and opened the door, standing glued to the floor with wide eyes at what he saw before him. Elrond, bare from the chest to hip, turned around and pouted at the blonde elf, raising her arms up over her head.  
  
"Do you think my boobs are too big?"  
  
Elladan shrieked, jumped out of Glorfindel's arms, and scampered down the hall, running screaming into his own room. Glorfindel didn't even notice the weight lifted from his arms, his eye twitching nervously. Elrond turned sideways at the mirror, then the other way, putting her arms up and back down. Finally she turned to her friend again.  
  
"They look like grapefruits, don't they? Much bigger than oranges, perhaps there's a way to tone them down without binding them."  
  
Glorfindel shook his head slowly, eye still locked on Elrond's. attributes, knowing he should look away. "Uhh, they look gorgeous. I mean fine. No, too big. Wait, they're perfect. I think. Elrond, I'm male! Don't ask me these things!"  
  
Elrond pulled the top part of the dress back up over her chest, frowning at her reflection in the mirror. "But you're my friend, and I thought perhaps you could give me some constructive criticism."  
  
"For Elbereth's sake, Elrond, I'm male! Do I *have* to prove it to you?! I think like a male!"  
  
"Are you saying women are lower than men?"  
  
"No, no, I was just trying to."  
  
"You think women should be in the kitchens and just sit around and be play toys!"  
  
"Now, now, Elrond."  
  
"Glorfindel! To think I *trusted* you!" Tears began to well up in his eyes. "I thought."  
  
"Ai, ai, Elrond." Glorfindel sighed and walked over to her, pulling the Peredhel into a tight hug. "Elrond, Elrond. honey, I was just saying that asking a member of the opposite sex whether your. uh, grapefruits. were too big or not isn't exactly a good idea. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but it's just that you should ask another woman about them, okay?"  
  
Elrond sniffled, resting her head against Glorfindel's shoulder. "Okay." She wrapped her arms around the other Elf's neck, burying her nose into golden hair. They stood there for awhile like that until Elrond spoke again. "Glory?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I want to be a woman forever." 


	10. *Not actual chapter* Rather, a question ...

Alright, m'dears!  
  
I realize I most likely overdid Elrondarling's part as a woman, and I'm considering taking down that chapter and changing the previous one to continue him as a child. Input, please? Thank you all, marshmallows and truffles to the reviewers.^^  
  
-Kalen 


End file.
